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WHAT TO EXPECT
It will be
helpful for you to
understand some of the most common responses victims have to rape.
While rape
survivors may react in different ways, a pattern of response has been
identified. This pattern is often called Rape Related Post Traumatic
Stress
Disorder. This is not a mental disorder
but merely a description of common experiences of rape victims.
Impact
Phase
- During the hours and days following the rape, victims may respond
with shock,
disbelief, confusion, agitation, crying, anger, fear, and even
laughing. Some
victims appear to be very controlled and calm. Victims may also
experience the
physical symptoms of pain, soreness, bruising, vaginal or rectal
bleeding, and
headaches. They may have difficulty resuming their everyday routines.
These are
natural responses to a life-threatening trauma and your support can
help them
through these difficult days.
Acute
Phase
- After the
initial shock has passed, victims often experience a variety of
symptoms: nightmares, flashbacks, insomnia, loss of appetite, mood
swings,
depression, anxiety, phobias, humiliation, and self-blame. This can be
a very
painful time for both the victim and his or her loved ones. These
responses are
common to victims of rape and are part of working through the trauma.
Another reaction for some
victims
may be denial. Victims often try to forget about the rape and "move on
with their lives." Although this may appear to you to be a resolution
to
the crisis, it typically is not. He or she may continue to be
experiencing the
difficulties mentioned above despite a normal outward appearance. When
the
survivor breaks through this denial, he or she may actually appear to
be
backsliding in the healing process. These reactions, while
understandably
troubling to both of you, are actually a sign that he or she is
beginning to
confront the feelings brought on by the rape.
Patience and continued
support are
the keys to helping a survivor through these times.
Roll with the good days and continue to be
there for him or her during the difficult times. During this time, you
may wish
that he or she would stop talking about their feelings or about the
rape. You
may feel like it's time that he or she resume sexual relations with
you. You
may feel impatient with the nightmares and fears of darkness, strangers
and
sudden noises. Most of all, you may fear that things will never be the
same
again. Remember
that recovery from rape
can take a long time, sometimes a very long time. Try to be patient and
understanding and seek out your own source of support to help you
through these
periods of stress.
Integration
Phase
- In this final phase of healing, the survivor comes to terms with the
victimization. He or she may come through this process with a new
self-concept.
The survivor will probably feel stronger and realize that he or she is
a
survivor not a victim. Your support, patience, and caring during the
healing
process may make for a stronger relationship. Having survived this
crisis, you
both will have gained greater self-knowledge and awareness.
Concerns
About Sexuality and Intimacy
Because rape is a violent sexual
act, if you are his or her intimate partner, both you and the survivor
may be
experiencing considerable anxiety about resuming sexual activity. The
typical
reaction to rape involves a temporary disruption in previous patterns
of sexual
activity. If your sexual difficulties are long-term or extreme, you may
both
want to seek counseling. If the survivor experienced a rape that
involved
extreme sexual violence and/or multiple perpetrators, professional
support may
be needed to resume sexual activity.
Younger victims, for whom the rape was the first
sexual experience may
also have greater concerns and fears and choose to get counseling.
It is important to be
understanding
and sensitive during sexual activity. Some aspects of sex may remind
the survivor
of the rape. He or she may even experience flashbacks.
Allow the survivor to
regain his or
her sense of control which was taken by the rapist. Do not demand or
pressure
him or her into sexual activity. Don't be angry or doubt your own
sexual adequacy
if he or she appears to be less sexually responsive than before. Create
opportunities to openly communicate each other’s feelings about your
sexual
relationship. Demonstrating anger, frustration, or an unwillingness to
change
certain patterns will distance the two of you and place an added burden
on your
sexual relationship.
Be patient. Sexual
disruption
following rape is usually temporary and can be overcome with
sensitivity and
understanding.
Final Comments
for Secondary
Survivors
Helping a
loved one to heal from rape can require patience, empathy,
understanding, real
listening, and time. Your support and belief in the survivor
communicate the
most important message: that you love him or her unconditionally.
Believe in
the survivor and yourself and trust that he or she is strong enough to
do the
rest. Remember that your feelings are
important too, and that help is available.
Ozark Rape Crisis Center is here for both you and the survivor.
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